Hunting for Rainbows

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I'm not really even sure where to begin this week.  This blessing rings so many bright, clear (and sometimes deafening) bells for me.  But they are bells that I need to hear.

What is it about beginnings that are so frightening? 

Whenever a friend moves into a new chapter of life, it is clear to me that they are not alone or isolated, and I am easily able to express that to them.  I can see their courage and strength shine through any uncertainties they may be feeling.  So then why in my own beginning is it so easy to sink deep into loneliness and doubt?  Logically, I know there are incredible, unforeseen adventures in my future - emotionally it's much harder to know that. 

Perhaps its just one of those beautiful intricacies of life that makes us innately human... We know both strength and fragility.  We feel both certainty and fear.  Its a constant balancing act. 

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The picture to the right was made by my oh so talented and oh so beautiful friend, Jamie.  As I read the blessing last Monday, I immediately thought of her, and of this drawing - two figures walking towards thick clouds... from their perspective, the way ahead probably looks terrifying... nothing but grey.  But little do they know whats waiting for them on the other side!

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On Friday night, Jamie and I retreated to the lovely air conditioned haven of my childhood home.  The heat was just way too much to handle!  As we were getting ready for bed, my mala beads broke.  I have worn my beads every single day since I was given them last July at my yoga teacher training.  They have been a source of strength and comfort for me, especially in these past few months, and serve as a constant reminder of the incredible sangha that I found last summer. 

When the string broke, the beads fell into my hand, and my heart flew into my throat. 

Looking down at the broken string, I was so sad - this simple piece of jewelry has meant so much to me.  But at the same time, I was immediately brought back to the night when we were given our beads... I was sitting in a large circle with 60-something strangers.  We were all singing, smiling, and holding tightly to the beautiful gift of beads we were just given.  Our teachers told us to take note of when the beads break, for the breaking of mala beads is not something to be mourned, but rather an auspicious event marking the breaking of a cycle, or a karmic shift... a new beginning. 

How fitting that my mala beads broke this week, with the bells of John O'Donahue ringing in the back of my mind.

"When the heart is ready for a fresh beginning, unforeseen things can emerge."

My art project this week is two simple pen drawings

 
 
 

"Beginnings are new horizons that want to be seen"