The heart can be an intimidating place to hang out in.
This week, I found myself a little afraid to tune-in to my heart because of the potential for pain. But then again, I think I'm always in my heart, even if its not a conscious choice I'm making. In fact, I'm not sure I know how to disconnect. I wonder if that is something that could be useful to know how to do.... Hm.
I've been thinking a lot over the past few days about choosing to live life in a way that fills you. Or perhaps I should say that I've been thinking about what fills me. Can something that is perhaps a little empty fill me? Is something that is filling always a positive, good thing? Am I truly filled if my heart isn't in it? And are the answers the same for everyone?
I don't have any answers... but that's not really the point, is it? The point is to simply ask the questions. Right?
Haha.... Oh life. :)
Tuesday is my dear friend, Jamie's 30th birthday. Tonight, we celebrated her birth and her life and her all around awesomeness. She has a big heart. Maybe even the biggest heart. I wouldn't be surprised if doctors proved that one day <3
Anyways, halfway through the evening I remembered that I still hadn't done my art project for the week. An image came to me while meditating on Wednesday, so I knew exactly what I wanted to do, I just hadn't yet put pen to paper.
My first reaction to the realization that it was past midnight and I was art-project-less, was guilt... I said I was going to do this project, I told myself an art piece a week, and this week I failed! I just plain forgot and I failed!
My second reaction was indifference.... Oh but who reads the blog anyways, who cares! It doesn't really matter if I miss one week! Whatever!
My third reaction was decisive... No, I have to do something.
So I read the blessing to the room at large and then described the image I was planning to draw....
I pictured a heart (the organ, not the shape) with rivers flowing out of the arteries and veins. In my mind, the rivers come together to form a wider river circling around the heart. I saw it as a mix of pen and water colors... dark colors... deep reds and blues.
I would love to live
Like a river flows,
Carried by the surprise
Of its own unfolding.
When I finished explaining the image, the birthday girl scampered off to her room and came back with this...
Someday I'll make that art piece that I imagined... who knows, maybe it'll fit into the blog for this next week.
But this week, it's Jamie's art ~ Jamie's heart. <3
PS In case you noticed and were curious... yes that is a canoe full of amazing women rowing along the heart river in the image at the top of the blog post ~ thanks, Brooke!